Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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