i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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