On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
