I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
