We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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