So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You're like the curious george of whores
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
