My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
