Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
