ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
