I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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