I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
