why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
