Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
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I need you to use more vowels.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
