I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
