I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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