I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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