I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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