um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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