I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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