I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
