What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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