Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
