Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
you never un-have a 4some
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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