Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
