I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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