I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
