He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
