I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
They have beer where we have blood.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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