the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
