I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
