I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Randomize
