Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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