Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Reggie can tackle my bush.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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