If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
