he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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