Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
