Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
