He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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