Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
