By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We need to get me chipped asap
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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