i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
