eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The ass gains better be worth it
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