i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
