I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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