just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
