You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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