I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My pussy is not your playground.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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