my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
