At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
