I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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