So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
