I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
